Zoolander 2: Out on DVD for some reason

- May 28, 2016

Zoolander 2 is the sequel to a goofy comedy from 2001. The first Zoolander was directed by Ben Stiller, and produced by VH1. I still make goofy quotes from the first one, because I am old. Who could forget goofy little lines like "That Hansel is SO hot right now!" (proclaimed by a whacky villain named Mugatu played by Will Ferrel.) And, "blue steel", "eugoogly", and many other little catchphrases stick in my mind from that original. And, speaking of original, the first Zoolander caught everyone off guard because not only was it hilarious, it was full of its own style and edginess. I never realized just how cutting edge the mockery of the fashion world was way back in 2001 when this first one came out. But, when I saw Zoolander 2 and realized just how flat, out of touch, and stale it all felt, I realized how valuable the first Zoolander was. To be fair, there were a couple of lukewarm chuckles to be found in this crap. Like, the Justin Bieber cameo. And Benedict Cumberbatch's character. Other than that, nothing.

The saddest thing about Zoolander 2 is how epic the concept seems compared to how it turned out. I"ll break it down for you and explain exactly how Zoolander 2 was the perfect storm of craziness and awkwardness:

1. They waited too long to make the sequel

15 years is just too long for a sequel for almost anything except Star Wars. or Planet of the Apes, maybe. Many of the "returning characters" were interesting to me, but basically warranted little more than a bored shoulder shrug. (Like, who even remembers or cares about the original evil DJ from the first Zoolander? Yet, he makes his triumphantly anti-climatic and pointless return in Zoolander 2.) Even though I remember and love the original, there's probably just not enough interest in the mainstream to make Zoolander 2 a success.

2. The writing is messy and horrible

The first Zoolander was sharply self-aware, and full of searing mockery of the fashion world. Fast forward to 2016, and those same elements feel so stale. Much like the tragic Dumb and Dumber to sequel to Dumb and Dumber, Zoolander 2 further proves that you can't just awkwardly remake the original premise without enough updating and renewing to justify its own existence. They awkwardly wrote in a couple of new characters to try to make the new Zoolander relevant to pop culture. But, it doesn't work. It's a day late and a dollar short, as they say. In fact, the only memorable character is Saturday Night Live cast member Kyle Mooney playing a stereotypical hipster named Don Atari. His character has some bite, and viciously takes shots at millennials. The only few genuine laughs I got out of this awkwardness was from his character, who was fairly well written. All the other side characters, awkward plots and dumb subplots are the result of clunky and directionless writing. Ugh.

3. The concept is stale

The producers / writers had a really powerful opportunity to really skewer pop culture, including social media, fashion (shows like Project Runway, or even America's Next Top Model, or something), and even politics. Yet, they wasted their opportunity retreading the past, which we've already seen. Like, 15 years ago. The frustrating thing is, we know Ben Stiller is capable of creating edgy and attention-grabbing comedy (Tropic Thunder. Of course, that was 8 years ago!)

Overall:

Zoolander 2 had the same sad feeling of a Blockbuster video that's still open. You discover that it feels mediocre and dated compared to the developments of Netflix, Amazon Prime, iTunes, and whatever other online streaming service is available. Zoolander 2 is like that awkward online service Blockbuster tried for a couple of years where they mailed you DVD's in a pathetic and desperate attempt to copy Netflix and stay relevant. And, look what happened to Blockbuster. Zoolander 2 will end up at Big Lots stores all over the country with a neon green $3 sticker alongside Grown Ups 2 and Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 in a bin of forgotten and crappy DVD's.